Love Me, Love My Church

“ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 

Some years ago, I asked a friend of mine, who specialises in marriage counselling, what one piece of advice he would give to couples entering the later stages of marriage, so that they would continue to be lovers, and not become just two people with a history sharing a house. His answer was simple: tell them to remind themselves each day of why they had become a couple in the first place, to remember that she was the one who took his breath away, and that he was the one who swept her off her feet. With that focus, the “business of family,” which has to be done, would not kill the passion or the purpose of the adventure. 

I recently had the privilege of being with apostolic leaders gathered to do the “family business” of the church. Those unappreciated but necessary tasks without which we would run aground. Whether at the national or local level, there will always be real issues that must be addressed and fall upon leaders for attention. But, as in marriage, we need to stay aware of God’s central call on each of us and not let our hearts grow cynical about the church. The “outrageous slings and arrows” of ministry can bring us there. Disappointments and attacks on us as individuals, and dare I say it, jealousy and competition, can lead us to begin to have a jaundiced view that colours our words and, sadly, even the way we preach and speak about the “bride of Christ”. Cynicism is a dangerous companion for pastors and church leaders. It slowly erodes joy, compassion, and hope, the very things on which our calling depends. If left unchecked, it calcifies our heart, and we stop expecting much from people, from institutions, and sometimes even from God. Anecdotally, I have heard of great men of God ending their days so critical of the church that they lose their love for her. It’s one thing to discern error, but it is an entirely different spirit when we stop seeing what God is doing in our present day. We need to remind ourselves that it is the same Jesus who began building His church on the day of Pentecost who is building it today. It is His church, His bride, and He will present her without spot and without blemish. The church is so loved by Jesus that He gave Himself for her. Cynicism will keep looking back and longing for the “good old days”, airbrushing over the fact that those “good old days” had all the same issues and problems, and that in those days, while we delighted in what God was doing, others longed for days without drums and guitars. Let us always rejoice in what Jesus is doing today. 

At the recent gathering to which I referred earlier, during one discussion, one of those present said, “I just want to finish well”. 
A simple but profound statement that looks neither at past success or failure but puts an eye on what’s next. It is the guard against familiarity and cynicism. Let me finish well. Let me remember that the ascension ministry is Christ’s gift to the church through which He builds the church that He loves.

At a recent ordination in Scotland, which I had the privilege of being part of, I considered this challenge to husbands: that they should love their wives as Christ loved the church. Paul wrote that he was directing husbands, but was in fact speaking about the church. And in that context, we are called to love the church as Jesus loves her.

I posed these questions:

Apostle, do you love the church like Christ loves her? Then treat her as Christ treats her. Don’t get frustrated with her and don’t mishandle her. Don’t condemn her, but lift up her heart.

Prophet, do you love the church like Christ loves her? Then be careful how you speak to her and about her. Always be calling out what Christ sees in her.

Evangelist, do you love the church like Christ loves her? Then, when you call her to His side, woo her with love, preaching the good news that Christ has died for her.

Teacher, do you love the church like Christ loves her? Then care for and protect her with your words and wisdom, build her up and do not tear her down.

Pastor, do you love the church like Christ loves her? Then love her as He does, patiently covering her nakedness with grace, healing her spots and blemishes, and watch over her with all your heart.

Lord help me to finish well, loving You and loving Your church.


Paul R Carley